Firefly fic: Stages of Grief (Shining in the Sun Remix). R/J (sorta). PG.

Title: Stages of Grief (Shining in the Sun Remix)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned here.
Rating: PG.
Original Story: Stages of Grief
Original Author: bugchicklv
Summary: She didn't resent the ones that came before her, just as she didn't resent the ones that would come after.

For aliaspiral's Remix challenge.

Stages of Grief (Shining in the Sun Remix)




She was loved, she knew this. She was sleek and shiny, deadly and powerful, a small little thing that packed a powerful kick no one else expected.

River was a beautiful gun, and she knew she was named for a beautiful woman.

There were times she could almost feel the first River's ghost, a soft presence wrapping itself around Jayne. He hadn't handled her death well. He had fallen apart, as a matter of fact, drinking and whoring and nearly getting everyone killed. He had blamed everyone, Mal and Simon and God and even River herself. The first River, that is. This River knew she had come after, long after, when the first River had been scattered among stardust for months.

She didn't resent the ones that came before her, just as she didn't resent the ones that would come after. She was a gun, after all. Jayne was a weapons master, and he collected all his girls and took care of them. They were a family, just as the humans on Serenity were a family.

Still, this River knew she was special, just as the first River had been.

Nothing to fear, my love, she would whisper to Jayne. She didn't have a voice, not as the human River had, but he could feel her intent when he gripped the handle tight. The kick back along his arm was a shiver of contact, a shake and reminder. We're right here, she told him with River's ghostly voice. We're both right here, and we're going to take care of you. We're going to make it all better.

The first River, the human River, had been a comfort to Jayne. He hadn't thought he could deserve such a thing – betrayal stings and burns like bullet wounds, like solid steel rending flesh to bloody ribbons – and yet she had been a wealth of kindness and love. He had seen into the heart of her, the woman inside the Reader, the lover inside the fractured madness. She had been liquid sinuous, flowing in and around danger, moving like the wind over water. She had been almost too graceful to be real, too ethereal to last for long.

Sometimes angels made sacrifices to make sure the ones they loved remained in the sun even after they themselves were shattered.

River knew this, did not resent this. She accepted this. The first River had been his love, his human love, his mortal love. She had taken a bullet for him, valuing his life above hers, his continued survival above hers. She was a Reader, after all. She knew what would happen even as she did it, knew the risk and took it anyway. They lived in the black, and every moment they lived was a risk. Every moment was infinitely precious. Every moment hung in the balance, waiting, watching, measuring.

River was nestled in his holster, his very best gun after Vera. This was fitting. His mother was a vital, strong woman. She had been a force to be reckoned with, a terrible fury waiting to be unleashed on the unsuspecting fool that tried to mess with her family. That the large monstrous gun was named after her was no surprise. She shouted a warning as soon as she was pulled out of her hiding place, just as the human Vera had shouted warnings with a double-barrel shotgun perched upon her lap. Vera was the matriarch of their little ballistics clan, and she ruled over the rest of the girls with strict awareness.

She was the newest addition to the harem, so to speak, but her soul had been present long before her arrival.

Jayne polished her with utmost care, more so than the other girls. They didn't know to be jealous. They thought she was a little thing, fragile. They thought it was a joke that there was power in her workings, that her steel could rupture souls and dispatch armies. They thought it was a cruel joke, and rallied amongst themselves in their ignorance.

His touch was gentle, the oil smooth and clean. He polished her, murmuring softly about how much he missed his other River. She sings to me, River wanted to tell him, if only she had the voice for it. I feel her with me all the time. Don't you? But gun speech was not human speech, and he didn't understand her words. He understood her fire power, her strength, the momentous kick back that told him she worked with the fierce precision of her long lost predecessor. She was River. River.

He checked her parts, careful that everything was in order and nothing was missing. It was a methodical kind of motion, practiced with care. He knew nothing was out of place, and River always felt complete under his hands. It was ritual, it was comfort. He couldn't help his other River survive her wounds, but he could help this one.

Planetside, she shone in the gleaming sun. Jayne's hand outstretched, gun at the ready, snarl at the lip. River was his best girl, the best one after Vera and the most versatile. No one thought that she could deliver the kick that she did, but no one laughed after she proved her worth. She gave him all of herself, all of her gift and gunpowder burn. River pushed herself harder than she thought she was willing to go, knowing it was all for Jayne. She would make bullets appear in her chambers if she could, if her will was strong enough. She loved you as I love you, River wanted to tell him, if only they could speak. We will forever protect you. We will watch over you, with all of ourselves, all of our love.

River could feel his heart beat pulse through her, strong and subtle, as he curled up around her at night. She could feel the tears he could never shed in public, could feel the self doubt and grief and pain. He still loved River – both Rivers, because they were one and the same now – and would forever mourn her. He would go on for her sake, because she had wanted him to live and care for their ragtag family. He would live and pretend to love again if she really wanted it, but he could only truly love her. River knew this, could feel it with every atom in her frame. She was little and shining and sleek, gleaming in the sun. She was River, River was she.

I love you, Jayne, River said, thrumming with the force of the emotion. Jayne's tears slowed, maybe in response. I will always love you.

Jayne would go on, and River would be at his side. She would always be there, watching over him, keeping him safe.

Her love was only the beginning, and now we shall never part.


The End.